Surprisingly...it feels nice.

So, a lot of people will tell you that you should return the ring after a broken engagement. I offered to mail all the gifts he sent me back to him because I felt like it was the right thing to do. After all, I didn't want this to be a bitter seperation.

I believe it is the right thing to do in a typical break up. I was planning to have them return by Monday as a sign of ...well, being a nice person. After much thinking, I realize my actions were allowing him to get away with the things he need to be responsible for. You see, before all this mess broke out, I spend more than one grand on tickets to visit him. I had my whole trip plan out and he didn't have to lift a finger.

He didn't need to pay for my food and I agreed to share the bills with him. I let him get away with a lot of things in the relatiomship and he was never given the chance to learn from his actions. He never offer to pay me back nor did he try to communicate with me about it. I had to ask him to pay me, to which he replied "I don't know what to say".

I know he will never reimburse me, but sending the ring and necklace back to him, doesn't make sense. It's mine after all and he does owe me money. Since my mother have friends in the jewelry business, I'll sell it once I get home. As for the gloves and shirt, a homeless man will be bless with a shirt and a pair of fuzzy gloves. That way, everybody wins.

I wasn't doing it out of anger or hate or revenge. It just made sense to me financially. If you fail to pay your rent and I know you won't pay up, I'm going to sell your furniture. Maybe it's cultural but that's how it works back home. I'm more afraid of being seen as rotten than anythng else.  Probably shouldn't care since it's none of their business but...you know.

For the first day since he left, I didn't cry and wasn't sad. I was glad it was over. I couldn't see myself with a man who refuse to step up to the plate and make amends for the things he has done. It's ok to make mistakes, it's what you do about it that matters.

As for the friendship, I don't know if I can be friends with someone who lied to me for 6 months. But I'm sure as hell I can't be friends with someone who won't own up to their mistakes. He lost my respect the moment I realize he won't even try to compensate me.

One thing I learn is that I want a mate who can be responsible for the mistakes he made and is man enough to step up and say "I'll try my best to clean up my mess"