Writing have been helping me cope with all the crap he threw at me. Heck, I've been spamming my facebook status like no tomorrow. Whatever it takes to get better right? Anyways, a house -- an inanimate object that provides shelter. One would never thought to be compare to it... at least I didn't
When we first got engage I try to broke it off when I saw the signs that he was more into winning his house in a lawsuit against his distant relative than our future. I told him to get his shit together or this is over. Needless to say, I didn't think I had a life without him, so I went back to him.
I feel like a fool just thinking about it. But I understand the mechanics that led to my staying. I was lonely and didn't think I would meet anyone better. He was literally all I had as there was a rift between me and my family and friends was few and far between.
He decided to work on a fishing boat in Norway or Copenhagen to earn enough Euros to fix his house. Thus the basis and reason for a break up. He chose his house, that he could have sold and bought a new one. He chose to go in and out of courtrooms and sinking tens and thousands of dollars on lawyers for it. But was unwilling to do anything for me.
He told me the house was family because he inherited it. Told him it's a broken down old house, not worth the stress or pain. Life isn't about fighting and being right, it's about living. He never gets it, every time I bring it up, it was "you're not nice to me" "you are not being understanding and supportive".
He was willing to give up everything he knew and move to to a new country with an unfamiliar job to save it...yet when it comes to me, it was "oh ask your dad". Do I feel horrible? No. Hurt? Yes. But most of all I feel sad for him. Working so hard all his life, just to earn enough to hire a lawyer to try and get the house. His mum did the same thing, She is now jobless, with no savings, helpless in her situation, angry at the world. And wants her house...which is now falling apart bit by bit.
Decades of pain, frustration and let downs. I don't know how anyone does it. And yet here I am, with "flaws" because I don't agree with him, talks, and is actually a living breathing person
I don't know if his mum is to blame for his twisted sense of reality, but I believe everyone have a choice. And he made the choice to hug his house till the day he die and make sure I know that I was nothing compare to the house and I was worth shit to him.
He cheated on me and it was okay to feel betrayed. He didn't turn his back on me for another women, he just did it for an inanimate object or more precisely as he puts it 1,000,000$. My heart is worth more than that, to think I was considering giving up my dream to be a doctor for him. I'm glad he left, I didn't need someone like that in my life. I was willing to give up anything for him, yet I was nothing but a companion to hear him out when his 1st love stresses him out.
Friends is more than just friends, they provide a buffer for us, a buffer that prevents us from being vulnerable to people like him. If I knew I had friends and there was a life after him, I would have send him packing the day I saw the signs.
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