Some people

   As I sit here stewing in my anger because I felt like an idiot because a prick tried to used me, it reminds me of the song Sweet Dreams by Eurythmics. Everyone is looking for something in this world, some wants to use you, some would want to abuse you. It just angers me that people could used other people as if they are a piece of napkin.

    It's sad and disheartening sometimes when I am reminded of how screwed up our world can be. Being used makes you feel worthless, soulless, and even useless. Just the mere idea that someone is attempting to do that makes my blood boil. It feels like you're not a person to them, you don't exist, you are merely there to serve them. If and when that is over, they will kick you out of their lives and move on as if you're a bag of trash.

   I don't understand why people do it. Convenience? Lack of empathy? Lack of parental guidance? The fact is even without these people our world is bad enough as it is. Why can't we all be nice to each other and have some respect and decency to one another? For the very least treat each other like a human being and acknowledge that they are not here on earth to make you happy.

  Having to see this person every day and night does not help. And the fact that I never get a chance to give him a piece of my mind makes it worst. I know my energy is better spend elsewhere, but I guess I am still hurt by the fact that he thought he could just used me.

   I try to remind myself that people are not against me, they are for themselves. Maybe just maybe he's so broken that I should feel sorry for him instead of anger. That he lack such simple human decency that he doesn't know how to treat other people.

  On top of all this, having a bloody drama queen running around yapping doesn't help. I guess I am just stress and every dipshit that has been running around is getting on my nerves. Hypocrites who don't follow what they preach and gossipy men... when I see them I am getting a ticket on the ahelllotofno train heading to fuckiamoutofhereland.

Shadows

    Starting a new chapter of your life is exciting. Everything is new, a new beginning, new friends, new school, new environment. You'd think everything will go smoothly, but somehow, somewhere, in some corner, there's your shadow. Reminding me that I could never be too cautious. That I will always have to watch every step I take, every move I make, because if I don't the consequences could be dire.

    There are times when you are more than a shadow in my thoughts. There are times where you latch on to my mind and wouldn't let go like a virus. Attacking everything that is good in my thoughts and reminding me why everything went wrong and blaming me for everything.

    I want to let go, but I can't. Part of me is too scared, part of me just wants to pretend you're not there. I hate it, I hate how you still have a hold on my thoughts, part of my mind, part of my life, and part of me. I just want to move on. I know you're one of a kind, so cruel that it would be a damn miracle to bump into another you in a life time. But I can't risk it.

     It took me 6 months to stop crying and get back on my feet. It'll take a while for me to get rid of you and that's okay. If people don't love me enough to understand that, than they shouldn't be around. Those who matter won't mind, those who mind don't matter. 

Drawing the line

It's okay to have strong convictions about something. All of us have strong opinions about something whether its politics, social issues, animal rights, cars, sports or religion. Most of us know how to toe the line and be respectful but some people just love to get all up in other people's faces.

I don't call your hobby stupid simply because I do not engage in it. I let you talk, nod, smile, ask questions and respect that it is your hobby not mine. Accepting the fact that you have an area of interest does not mean I am giving up any part of myself nor does it mean I will implode. Some people just don't seem to understand that.

It's not a hard concept. It's your time, your energy, your mental space that whatever you are engaging in is taking hold of, not mine. So why feel offended when I happen to have my own thing going? Just because it's different or against your *coughs religion. Okay, I am bias here simply because I have never met anyone with a hobby so intense that they're determine to shove it down my throat.

I have try my best to be nice and play nice and ignore whatever shit storm that may come. I know I have a strong aversion towards religiosity that's why I work extra hard to understand where the other person is coming from.

Sadly, if whatever I happen to bring up illicit some form of wrath from your unknown god and you feel strongly that he has bestowed upon you the calling to inform me of it, it's not okay. I don't walk up to you and tell you what a pea brain you are for believing in what you believe and give you a long lecture on Darwinism because A) what the fuck do I know? I might be wrong. B) Who am I to say that you are not benefiting from what you believe? C) How is your religion any of my business? D) Being rude to you does nothing but show what a savage idiot I am because I don't know how to interact with people who believe in different things.

I don't need someone to get all up in my business. It is very uncomfortable to be around someone whom you know judges your every move as if he is god himself. I don't mind if you want to act all perfect if you actually are. The fact is you're a rotten brat who rationalize every wrong doing with "I'm not perfect"

For a lack of a better word, I am disgusted. I may not believe in a deity but I do believe in being a good human being. I may not have a holy book to refer to but I know what it means to respect other people for what they are. I may not have a creed to hold on to, but I know what it means to be honest to people who care about you.

Some say it might have something to do with being young and stupid. I say it has something to do with lack of common sense and simple human decency.