10 things I have never heard Malaysians say

After being back home for almost 5 months, these are the top 10 things I've notice people rarely or never say! Enjoy!

10. We are a develope nation
Depending on who you talk to, some may say this while I've rarely if ever heard this sentiment being said by young people these days. Instead, what I heard most if the time is how god damn awful or backward this country is. It is a sad thing to hear but something I find holds a grain of truth.

9. Our country is very clean.
This depends on who you talk to and where you are.  Certain places are... Acceptable but most at least in Sabah are filthy. One can see a piece of human turd floating on one of the rivers while taking an aftnoon stroll, or find piss (hopefully you did not catch someone pissing) while you were walking up a flight of stairs in downtown Kota Kinabalu where buzzling tourist and well mannered people are everywhere. No wonder I've never heard anyone applauding our cleanliness.

8. Malaysia is a very accepting place
Being a muslim country, one cannot blame it for not accepting cultures from the west. Homosexuality, transgender, cohabitation, are not usually accepted. The culture in America is acceptance of anyone and everyone because people come in different shape, sizes, color, and holds different ideology. Sadly in Malaysia, if you don't follow what the majority says, you're a freak. I have relatives who are racist biggots (they dislike African Americans), gay hating jerks (they believe gays are mentally ill and an abomination) and believes that women should not be educated.

7. We have an amazing public transportation system. Owning a car is optional
Again this depends on which part of the country you live in. In Sabah it is a must to own your own transportation as the public transport consist of old busses that looks like something a pedophile would drive around in order to kidnapped children. Not to mention it is usually filled with illegal immigrants. It would be a different story if you live in Penang or Kuala Lumpur.

6. Everything is so cheap
Over the past few months, over and over again I hear people telling me how the price of everything has tripled and it is almost impossible to stay afloat. Back in the 90s, I often heard people praising the lifestyle of Malaysia for being affordable.

5. Our government is amazing
General election is coming up next week. While I do hear some people being very active and
supportive of the governtment, it is not something that happen often. Sentiments against the government? Let's just say I'd rather stay out of that.

4. I have no desire to leave this country even if the opportunity presented itself.
Everytime when people ask me where have I been for the past 4 years, I try to avoid the question due to their undying fascination with the idea of living in the west. They would always tell me how it must be better compared to our country and why I didn't choose to stay. The idea that the US is in a huge economic crisis baffles them. They usually respond with shock as if I just told them I ate their children. They cannot fathom how their fantasy countries US and EU are going through a crisis and it is impossible to find a job. The idea that the land with milk and honey doesnt have honey and milk is rather shocking. Most if not all my friends who has obtain some form of tertiary education usually move to the neighbouring countries or stayed in th country where they obtained their degree. I would get a village of questions about my life in Cali and how people are richer, well educated, and the government treats them better.

3. We are not a corrupted nation
This is funny in an of itself. Anyone who have ever lived in this country knows what "duit kopi" is. It literally translates to "coffee money". Everyone knows that when you are pulled over by a cop, all you have to do is offer him more or less RM100 (35$)and slide it under your drivers license. Or if you hate taking your driving test just offer to pay RM 1,000++ (300$)you won'teven have to show up for anything. I don't condone such behaviour yet most people especially Chinese think its ok since it is more convenient. Hey people, if you want a country free of corruption, it starts with you. So shut up with your complaints about the corrupted governtment when you are doing it too.

2. Our government treats us fairly regardless of race or gender.
This will sound so bizarre to anyone who lives in a developed country. We all know about ketualan Melayu. It basically means the right of the Malay. They are given special rights along with other indigenous groups where by they are allowed to have a 10% discount when it comes to buying property. They get to borrow more money from the government, and you must retain a certain amount of them in your company or you are breaking the law. Chinese and Indians however are not given such rights. We have to pay more taxes because this is "the land of their grandfather" and we are "immigrants" it's kind of like white australians calling themselves natives. You get the picture, race is everrything in this country, it is mandatory that you declare your race on all governmental forms, government test, and so forth. And when it comes to women, if you're muslim you're going to have a hard time my friend. They follow the muslim law which requires 4 witnesses to verify the statement of a women. Talk about equality in the 21st century.

1. My internet is so fast!
And last but not least, high speed internet. I think we can all agree on this one. If you've ever been to any of our neighouring countries (i.e Singapore, Hong Kong, Taiwan) you will know that you're stuck in stone age with TMnet's "high speed" internet. One could say that this is due to our geographical location, but if that is true, then why does Singapore within driving distance of Johor have internet so fast, I thought I was in Japan? Government monopoly, that's all I have to say.

So, that's it. Your top ten things that you don't hear people say in Malaysia.

Those who look the other way

"The first rule of bureaucracy is self preservation" - Rafael Barba

Watching SVU this week was hard. I couldn't watch it in one go. I felt sick to my stomach half way through the show because I know far too well how this goes. I had the privilege to watch as a by stander as such atrocities were committed. I couldn't do anything because my hands were tied, tied by a promise I made, tied by self preservation. All I could do was make sure he was gone. I didn't want anyone to go through what she had to go through but I did everything that I could.

Today she is married and happy, I can't say anything anymore. It's too late, she'd move on, but deep down I know she's probably pretending she'd move on. I guess I just want to believe she moved on for good, maybe then I would have a reason not to say anything, for the sake of her future and probably mine.

I am scared that if I ever say anything, my degree would be yanked and everything would be gone. I really really want to believe that all is well. He knew he had a prior rape accusation, yet he let him live on campus with complete access to a hunting ground. He didn't do anything, I doubt he even talk to her. He gets to walk away, received scholarships, and graduate. All because he was a star athlete. 

I feel disgusted at myself sometimes, why I didn't do more. At least he left, that's the only thing I could take comfort in. Whether he left on his own accord or because he was afraid I would tell, doesn't matter. I go to sleep hoping that he is the problem and not the school. Every time when I run to her and tell her about it, she was so apathetic, unsympathetic, and in some way felt like the girl deserve to be rape.

Maybe she would change if she knew it was her daughter. Stuck between mother and child, having to pretend everything is okay, smiling in front of her while every fiber in my muscle wanted to scream the truth, the truth -- Someone you called a friend look the other way when your daughter was rape.

I didn't want to hurt anyone. I just want peace and order and not to rock the boat. I made a promise, a promise to a friend, a friend who have been mistreated, forgotten, hurt, and disregarded when she needed those around her to stand up for her. They fed her to the wolves, I don't want to do that, that's why I kept quiet... because I didn't know what to do anymore.

Am I the only one that is being eaten alive by this guilt? I hope not...

Cynicism Towards Men

First of all this is NOT a post about MEN HATING. It is a post about certain type of men rather than the whole gender itself. 

Recently, I have bump into a few friends who struck the same chord as my relationship did. It really bring home those memories as I can relate to what they are going through. Even though the details and the dynamic of the relationship is different and unique in every relationship, there is a common theme that seems to follow these broken relationships.

My friends are not perfect, neither am I. I'm not blaming the failings of a relationship on men, but rather on a certain type of attitude and outlook.  The common theme that precedes a breakup is usually there is a problem. It could be emotional or financial, the female tries to work it out, the men stick around to enjoy a free ride while we work on the relationship. When it gets rocky and we can't seem to fix it, they bail.

Not all relationships are like that and I applaud you if you found a men that is willing to work for a relationship. But this is a common theme shared among me and those whom are dear to me. What made these men so lazy, entitled and selfish? Maybe because we are willing to walk the extra mile for them because we care and they took it for granted. 

I can't say my opinion about men is not colored after what I've been through. If you can find a men who won't bail on you when things get tough, won't replace you when you grow old, and smart enough to see that you would wipe his wrinkly ass and clean his denture when he looks like the love child of Jabba the Hut and Dumbledore, I say keep him. Sadly, most men these days see marriage as something that last a few years, a serious relationship as perks - cheaper rent, free sex, free maid, and sometimes free punching bag.

There are many horror stories about how men disowned their family because he had a mentally challenged child. Can I not be cynical about men? No. If I date women, I'm pretty sure I'd be cynical towards them too.

It's not love that is hard to find in this world, it's commitment, responsibility, and character. 

They will "promise" to give you the moon when things are going well, and when things get ruff, you should be happy if he gives you your stuff back. Crappy men comes from all walks of life, we can blame their childhood, poor parenting, culture, and so on. But the biggest contributor is women.

Yes I said it. Stop sticking around when he is a dick. Stop putting up with him. Stop being so desperate. If you draw a line and refuse to lower the bar, they can either rise above or leave. Women give men way too much slack. This is the reason why they think behaviors such as unemployment by choice, hitting you, calling you names, refusing to work for a relationship is acceptable. 

It is shocking to me how when someone with standards stood up and say it's not okay, these men start verbally attacking them and tell them this is "how relationship" works and this is what "real life is" since "everyone is doing it" and you're being "controlling and mean". 

Fuck you. Yeah, I'd rather be rich, successful, and single than to be with someone lazy, uncommitted, stupid, indecisive, and most of all selfish. I don't plan to pay your bills bro, nor am I planning to have your kids so you can receive welfare checks. Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional. Women, mothers, and sisters, please stop preventing our men from growing up.

Most Important Thing in Life is to be Happy

 Searching for graduate school can be daunting task. From choosing a program to writing your statement of purpose. Along this road of craziness, I gave up on my dream of ever being a successful psychologist. My backward country have little to know awareness of mental health. If I were to ever become a psychologist in this country, I would starve to death.

I started looking into other programs because the money was easy and the future job prospect tolerable. I figure I could volunteer during my free time to feel that need and simply stick to a profession that I do not loaf.

This week has been a weird week. I've been doing a lot of thinking and I realize how much I've been trying to live by other people's standard of success. How my fear of the future controlled me and push me into making decisions that I will regret. I decided that I'd rather live my dream or die trying. If I can do something that I love for a day, I am willing to take the risk of failing.

I really love doing what I do and I'm going to try and get into a clinical psychology program. Speech Therapy sounds interesting and is a lucrative market, but ultimately, those people deserve someone more passionate than me. At the end of the day, money is just money. I don't want to be lying on my deathbed 60 years from now and ask myself why I never did the things that I've always wanted to do. Sometimes it takes a a brave soul, a leap of faith, and the believe that all roads will eventually lead to Rome to get us through the day.