It hurts to think that all my dreams, hopes, and future plans were shattered within a few hours. How can I be okay with that? It felt like a hole open up under me and swallowed everything I've hope for and built for.
He walk out on me and betrayed me. He was my best friend who gave me hope and told me that not all men are bad. Well, he was just another one of them. He even have the guts to tell me I'll survive and live through it....wow.
You would think out of everyone he would understand what it feels like to have a broken engagement. But it didn't phase him. He didn't even want to look at me when I ask him why. He didn't apologize, he didn't offer me anything but his friendship...that was an insult I wasn't gonna take.
Not after everything he did and how I forgave him and loved him for who he is. He turned his back on me say goodbye because life was "tough" and he was too much of a pussy to stay around. He wanted all the goodies and emotional goodness he can get out of being "friends" but he made a point that he will "leave" when there is a problem so he can "fix it".
I don't think I can be friends with someone like that. How could anyone? It's like telling someone you will stab them in their sleep and expect them to give you their house keys. Every moment I spend awake, I couldn't do anything but cry and wonder what I did wrong, and what I did to deserve this. I gave him my heart and he broke it. He let me down every time I needed him. All I want was to spend Christmas with him but that was too much to ask for.
When I needed him to help me, he always have an excuse whether it's his mother, his house, or his underpants was on fire. I always have to catch myself or break the fall because he was never there. Many people think a broken engagement is for the best, I can't say it wasn't but trust me, you will not understand how much pain, broken dreams, hopes, and crap I feel until you've had the rug pull out under you and watch someone walk out and tell you they are doing it "for your own good" so you don't have to "suffer".
It hurts so bad, I don't know if I'll ever feel better. Being dump while everyone else is off for thanksgiving break....I thought I was gonna spend my holiday hanging out with him....I couldn't help but think if only I was this or that maybe this wouldn't have happen. I never loved anyone as much as I loved him. I never felt like I know any human being as much as I know him.
It's as if my life was taken from me, I wish I never met him. I wish I would have told him to fuck off after he screwed up. He caused me so much pain yet I was willing to forgive him, and this is what I get in return? How could the best thing in your life turn into the worst? How could someone do that? I thought I was the luckiest person alive, now I think I'm the dumbest, most worthless human being on earth.
I want my life back...the 14 months of time, effort, money, and love I showered on a swine. How could someone you love so much betray you like this?
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