So, I've given him ample chance to help me understand why things turn out the way they did. I never like to call someone an asshole or a jerk until I'm sure. Being misunderstood and not having the proper emotional tools to express yourself can be quite painful.
I think too much about him, what is good for him, what is best for him, but I neglected to look out for me. I forget that he was the one who left me and walk out. It's as if I have amnesia and simply forget about all the horrible things he did and only remember the good. How our brains choose to remember only the good because we are so afraid of change baffles me.
Anyhow, after today, I can honestly say that he is 110% of a douche bag without a doubt. I figure for all the shit he puts me through, I deserve to know or at least hear from him, why he is such a turd. Can't expect a boy to act like a men.
All the shit he said to me, he did none. Take me for fondue -- never happen, buy me flowers when he fuck up -- happen once, call my ex stupid and said they should taste the side walk -- well he should have his balls mince and sold as meat balls.
Replaced him the very day he dump me. Time to fucking move on without that turd. I'd be glad to hear the next guy I date describe how they wanna kill him... Besides all the shit he puts me through, I'm still a better person in a sense that I don't feel the need to attack him verbally or purposely hurt his feelings (something he cannot do).
I can go on and on and repeat myself about the crap he pulled and what an ass he is. But at this point, it is no longer a surprise to me or to anyone who reads this blog. I'm sure some of you have come to the conclusion of that much earlier than I did. As they say, you can't buy an ass and pray that it'll act like a prize horse. You get what you see.
Sometimes not having an answer is an answer. I learn that I need to stop giving guys so much slack and boot them out of my life the minute they mess up. Should have stayed away when I broke off the engagement. Oh well, as they say, there is a douche bag born every second. I now have one more to add to my collection and can proudly share with my girlfriends one more interesting horror story about men. Welcome to planet earth.
People always say we should't judge someone base on another person's mistakes. I agree, I don't think you should stop dating or give up on relationship because you met a few swines. But I do think that every time you meet a pig, you should move your princess ass one floor higher in your ivory tower. That way you can see farther out your window and hope for a better prince. At the same time, the next prince will have to fight harder to win you over. If a man loves you, he'll climb mountains and swim across the ocean just to be with you. That is not a fairy tale, that is love in action. Not just a feeling, but someone making a choice to have you in their life no matter what.
Bull shit excuse from men about commitment, fear of rejection and fear of failure is their way of being lazy. We all have our fears, men need to stop acting like boys and grow some balls. Lack of father figures in our time may have contributed to the over production of boys who never grow up. Women are afraid of commitment, rejection, and failure too. Since I don't have an external genitalia, I think you get to take the 1st step and jump. If I'm not good enough for you to risk it, you're not worth my time.
On a side note -- SUSHI FOR ME B'DAY!!! YAY!!! :D looking forward to it. Thanks girls, you guys are awesome :) wish I knew that earlier!!
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