Maybe

There are many good people in my life. Falling in love and meeting someone that is great at a bad timing can be hard. You try your best to stop yourself from going down that road, because you know you are not emotionally ready.

Although I no longer cry about it, it still hurts. Knowing that he never intended to move and all the lies he told to get what he wants, there is no words to describe the pain I feel. Sometimes it is not easy trying to be the better person, sometimes I just want to stoop to his level and beat him silly.

I met a nice guy, I think he's sweet. But my current life situation does not favor a serious relationship, nor does his. I like his companionship and the friendship we share. Being able to be honest with each other and simply say what is on our minds. Come January our lives will be very different, I'll be going home, getting a job and applying for schools while he will start taking a course. Add that all up and throw in the time difference, I don't know what it will look like. Maybe we'll stop liking each other, maybe we will move on with our own lives, maybe we will be friends.

Part of me wish I don't feel the way I do. It just makes things so much more complicated. Part of me is hoping that this feeling will go away the other part of me wants it to grow into something more. We've talk about it and we've agreed that we should just enjoy each other's company while it last.

While I know that I'm still grieving from my last relationship, it would not be fair to drag another person into the emotional mess I'm in. I would often be reminded of Thomas for simple things that he said or do and that's a red flag that I'm not ready for a relationship yet.

I'd rather not have a relationship at all then to start one at a wrong time. I value his friendship and would not want to loose it if things don't work out.