Alone in the dark

Sitting here wide awake at 3.30am unable to sleep. Alone in the dark crying, feaing for my future, heart broken, and empty. He broke my heart because he could, I can't help but wonder if he made up an excuse just to break up with me. He's still home in Warsaw, no where near Denmark or Norway.

I try to comfort myself by reminding myself that even though I may be in hell right now, if I did go to Poland, I would be in a different kind of hell. Its hard to count your blessings when you feel like they have been taken away from you. I can't help but feel angry at my parents for choosing to stay in Malaysia instead of migrating when they could. They always make choices that is comfortable and easy for them. The only time they think of their children is saving money.

I'm really scared that I'll never be happy again. That I'll be stuck in this rut forever. I know its unrealistic but I'm so beat down its so hard to be positive. He left me when I needed him the most. The fact that I stayed in the relationship after all the crap he pulled is a sign that he does not deserve me.

Relationships feel so fake and fragile. One moment you are lovers, 3 days later you're strangers. Not because of anything I did, but because you're tired and bored? I don't know. Thank you for leaving me behind, refusing to take responsibility for the things you did or attempt to clean up your mess. The only regret I have is giving you a second chance.

I'm scared of getting engage, I'm scared of liking someone else even though they are 10 times better than you. I'm going to crawl out of this hole and live a better life than you, show you I can do better and give myself the things you refuse to give me.