It's been awhile

You know there are moments when you think you're over something, and you think you're ready to move on only to realize you are still not over it.

I have come a long way ever since he left. But to say that I've completely move on is just a lie. I don't cry myself to bed anymore, I can watch South Park, play video games, and do the things I enjoy without having a meltdown.

I thought that was it, I am done, I am over it and I can finally move on. Moving on would have been a more accurate term. I've done it, am doing it, will do it eventually. I just realize all this time, almost everything I do was trying to fill that void that was created when he left. It still hurts, and I don't really know if you ever get over things like that but I have come pretty far.

I have made an effort to live the life I want and the way I want it and for that I am glad. I guess I can look at my progress as a silver lining and know that it could only get better from here.

I don't miss him, I miss having a best friend, having someone you can talk to about anything, someone you thought who would be there no matter what, someone you thought would not stab you in the back, someone you thought was different.

But I guess sometimes it takes a good whack from reality to be realistic and a little cynical about things. And I guess it's not always bad, it makes you see things more clearly.