Child abandonment is a word thrown around in my extended family. It's not a big deal when you have 11 children and decides to send one away to your sister. And it's perfectly okay to abandon your kids when they needed you the most -- sick, broke, and dying. That's the crap I live around. Granted I don't live with it, still you can smell the stench a mile away.
First it was an aunt who had a stroke. She was verbally and physically abusive towards her adopted daughter but she was pressured into taking care of her during her recovery. All my aunt ever cared about were her sons who were exposed as con artist (they were on google at one point), never expressed an ounce of gratitude, affection or care towards her daughter.
And then came my infamous uncle who can basically sit side by side with Hitler when it comes to cruelty. Gave his daughter to one of my aunts and refuse to admit or accept her as his daughter. Abandon his son because he remarried and until today blamed his son for not giving him money when he never act like a father.
His son is now suffering from multiple life threatening illness and he refuse to let him go home during Chinese New Year. He felt that because his son never gave him a dime he should repay his kindness by letting him rot in a different state.
My parents are not wealthy people, they are kind. They take in dogs that nobody wants and try to help anyone they could. Granted my parents were not always the kindness people in the world, we have resolve most of our differences.That's a story for another time. Anyway, long story short my parents are now taking care of my cousin because his dad wants nothing to do with him. My uncle believes that we're a bloody goldmine/charity home that can pick up the mess that he makes. I wonder if he expects me to take care of his grandchildren because he is too stupid and heartless to do so some day.
I rarely talk about my family or my extended family as it always bring about awkward silence. I always feel like people are judging me for the decisions I make to cut these destructive people out of my life. I can write a book about the scheming, thieving, manipulation and cruelty in both my mother's and father's family. I've learn a long time ago these people only wanted money and nothing else. They have no interest in having a relationship with me or my family unless money is involved. We're simply pawns to be used, not people, and definitely not family.
I just want people to understand that they've never walk a day in my shoes and my decisions to cut these people out of my life is not because I am cruel. It's because I don't have supportive extended family like most normal people do.
I wish I have aunts and uncles who were proud of me and happy for my success instead of treating my family like a personal bank. I wish I have grandma and grandpas who love and supported their kids to love, share, and have compassion for those who need it instead I have grandparents who had no time for their kids because of the post war economy and never learned to communicate and care for their children. I wish I have cousins who wouldn't tore each other apart in order to come out on top in front of others. I wish I have an uncle who did not suffer from a disability, and I surely wish my uncle would act appropriately in front of children and not come across as a possible pedophile.
I wish my new years was not filled with insults, bickering, fighting. I wish my relatives actually cared instead of calling once a year asking for money. I accepted the fact that my family was dysfunctional a long time ago. I can't do much about it besides cutting off the rotten branches and deciding that people who are cruel and would only use me have no place in my life.
The amount of supportive extended family who was there for me when I needed them and who was there to share and help even when they are not well-off are few and far between. I am grateful and bless for my aunt Rose and uncle Harry for being supportive and kind to me. Granted I don't have a relationship with some relatives due to lack of exposure. The large part is simply too dysfunctional to deserve a place in my life.
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