I am trying to move on with my life -- do my best in school, meet new people, volunteer, and work. Besides the occasional burst of anger and a few tears of frustration I have been relatively ok. I burst out in tears tonight, not over my recent break up. But one that happened two years ago.
I am more hurt about another breakup than the one that happened recently. I am just angry about the recent break up. It makes me furious when someone claims to care about you but abuses you over and over again. They think they can get away with it by simply telling you they were "just talking" or whatever justification they can come up with.
I was still hurt by what happened two years ago. Looking back, it might have been the best thing that ever happened. I just wish he wasn't such a prick the way he left me. He promise me the world but in the end but when it comes down to it his response was "I told you I wasn't that great". As if it is my fault for putting too much faith in him.
I refuse to let a rotten person stop me from having a fulfilling life. So I work, went back to school, moved and met someone else. Someone else I should probably have not put as much faith in as I did. Truth be told, despite my anger towards him, I have some respect for him. He tries to talk to me when things go south, even though the talking never really do much. At least he tries to work things out the best he knows how.
He didn't just disappear, he keeps offering me help and his friendship, which is great. Until he decides to call me multiple time. Yes I am annoyed, angry, and disappointed at how things turns out and how he treated me. At least he tries and he attempts to make the best of things in his own way.
Thomas never even tried. Gave me a fake engagement ring, told me to be strong for myself and hang in there, and never never put up with men who fuck up more than twice. Despite being the biggest asshole I have ever met, I still miss our friendship. I would never trust him again nor can I ever be civil with someone so cruel and full of shit.
At least, at least this emotionally and verbally abusive recently ex-boyfriend of mine would stand up for me, help me, and always shares what he have. He is generous with things, I just wish he was generous in giving his affection, kindness, and love. He is manipulative and doesn't care about what I want. Thomas did, until the end he just became someone I didn't know. Lied to me about moving, gave me a fake engagement ring, sometimes I wonder if our friendship was ever real. Like maybe the fact that we have so much in common was all fake. He just pretend he likes the same things and pretend he knows what I am talking about.
When Thomas left, I told myself I won't let one utterly rotten person stop me from meeting someone else and I refuse to have my vision colored because of one asshole. I feel like giving up. I thought I met someone that cared about me 11 months ago but this person, he just cares about himself. He is abusive drunk or sober and I can't let him hurt me anymore. It's so disheartening that people who claims to care about you betrays your trust by either leaving or hurting you. I would rather he just left out of the blue, that would be easier to deal with than being hurt and angry. Wondering why someone who loves you would want to abuse you, hoping that if I know the why maybe I can magically fix it or him.
It's not my job to fix him and there is nothing to fix anymore. I can never trust someone who over and over and over again abuse me, fail to support me when I needed him the most, yet wants me to provide unwavering support and love for him. I hate him, and this hate makes me sad. I don't want to hate him because somehow, deep down, I know he cares about me in his own twisted way. But I can't I have to look out for myself and take care of myself. I can't give him another chance to hurt me again.
There is 7 billion people on earth, it's just 2 people Joy. You've only met 2 assholes, they are not everyone, and certainly they are not the majority.
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